The Living Large Wage


 

oliver-wright-super-obama

Dear Obama,

Thank you for understanding what the free market does not: that I am living, that I like wages, and that I am therefore entitled to a Living Wage. But in the end, if not the beginning, we’re all pretty much the same–you said it yourself. And like the next guy, I wanna live large baby! I am, therefore, entitled to a Living Large Wage.

And who better than you to decide which of my neighbors must pay me my Living Large Wage? After all, it’s your seven years of eloquence–and nothing else–that sets the new standard against which those of us committed to the cause of achieving the unearned measure our success at failure: the more we hear, the less we strive.

And who too better than you understands that to liberate fairness and equality from the tyranny of able men, then they must be made to not only pay their share, but share their pay. Speaking of getting paid, you’ll deliver my wiring instructions to the top one percent. And once that well’s run dry (because you know it always does), the top ten percent. And the middle class after that. And anyone else, for that matter, who stands between me and getting mine.

For my part, in the spirit of shared sacrifice and prosperity, I’ll accept their apology, and a lump sum payment for all those years of toil and trouble on the government dole that they denied my right to get paid large for living large.

Very truly,
Your biggest fan, greatest dependent, and most useful idiot.
Oh, and Obama? You’re the best.
P.S. F America!

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